You have mail!

Do you ever wonder how people in Chicago can vote twice?

Well I have an explanation.

When you die you aren’t dead to everyone….

I polled a few of my grieving friends with child loss to suicide… (yes we have a closed group on FB – be glad you are not a member!)

They have graciously shared with me some of the mail that they have received addressed to their now passed children. Children can be very young or up to adult age at passing. Some of the mail we get …

• Award from college
• Junk mail – up to 14 years later
• Survey from doctor’s office, ambulance company
• survey from girl scouts on effects of bullying
• offers from banks
• alumni mailings
• jury duty notice (my favorite) 
• realtor wanting to buy condo – sold 2 years earlier
• 401K statements every 3 months (after notice of the death)
• Credit card applications
• Notice to register for selective service
• College propaganda
• Free razor from shave club -on 18^th bday
• NRA membership request
• notice from child’s psychiatrist that office is moving, > 1 year after child passing  (I personally told Nolan’s psychiatrist he died)

Please note all these parents made the appropriate notices to whom they could that their child had passed. Death certificates sent out, emails and letters sent telling banks, institutions etc that they are no longer here.

How about a phone call asking about your dead child?

EXACTLY one week after Nolan passed Purdue called me.

Go back one year prior- Nolan did one semester at Purdue. He did not enroll for the fall semester there since he had transferred to Valpo. He emailed Purdue months before telling them he was not returning. He got a reply email acknowledging his transfer. Yet he got an email from some kid one week before Purdue started that fall semester – the kid said he had Nolan’s name down as his roommate!! Nolan told him Purdue’s error and he confirmed Purdue did not have him listed as returning.

I did not tell the man calling me asking “If I was happy Nolan was attending Purdue” anything other than he transferred to Valpo.

Go forward another week and VALPO UNIVERSITY calls me – a young college girl asks me  “How am I doing? How is Nolan doing? Does he seem satisfied in his first weeks at Valpo?”

I know this young woman was doing a job at the school – she has no idea that Nolan passed. I was having a good day when she called so I did not break down on the phone.   I told her Nolan had died and I understood he was still on the list as a new student. She was shocked and apologized.

I have not gotten any more mail or phone calls from Purdue or Valpo since then.

Some of my grieving friends welcome this mail and some find it a harsh jab reminding them their child is gone.

We have our children on our minds everyday. Not every minute of the day. But at least once in the day we think about them. I wish we could always have that thought be a joyful and pleasant one.