Do you want to contribute a memory?

Hello there! It is around 100 days from my last day of being a pediatrician at FPN Crown Point Pediatric Health Center. Although it sounds far off, it will be August before we know it.

So I was thinking…. I have so many memories over the almost 30 years of practicing pediatrics. Many many happy ones and a few sad ones.

But those are MY recollections.

How about the stories/memories my patients and their parents have that I don’t know about? During office visits some of you have shared great stories and told me things your child said about me or seeing the doctor.

How about the first time you met me?

Did I do a home visit? (Yes, I have rarely done this!)

Do you remember a particular office or hospital visit that you would like to share?

So how do you contribute? Just click on the link below:

https://happyretirementdrgold.fromabirdie.com/contribute

I am using the online book service From A Birdie. All the letters and photos are kept in a private website, and From A Birdie makes sure that nobody can see them but me. You can add photos, a handwritten letter, a photo of artwork (hint hint!!)

Be creative!!

I have the deadline as sometime early September to contribute.

I am so looking forward to reading your letters!!! Thank you in advance !!

WITH LOVE

Lisa C. Gold, M.D.

Seven and counting

Life goes on.

A saying we all know and use. When you lose a loved one your world stops, but everyone else keeps moving on. Eventually you have to continue on too. Some people find it hard that their friends and family that experienced the loss can go back to a routine life. What I have learned is that our loved ones that have passed want us to live. To go on.

It took me until year five to really feel I was fully moving forward. I guess because it took me all those years to be able to wake up and not immediately remember Nolan was gone. And I was not crying everyday. Reflecting back, I cried EVERY DAY for the first two years. No wonder I was so tired!

But don’t think I don’t break down anymore.

There are months where I rarely cry. My solid group of less grief feeling months are June to August. The month of September is pretty much crap. Ask anyone who has loss and they can tell you they can feel a change a few weeks before the date of the passing.

Anticipation of the loss day is like a bird that flies by your house the first few days, then rests on a fence in your yard the next days, and then builds a big nest in the tree right next to your house and declares “Here I am. You remember that day? Now I am going to hang out and constantly chirp so you don’t forget me. Think about the bad memories. Sleep? You don’t need to do that. Pay attention to me!”

Yet this September I started with attending a concert with my best friend.

And I continued the next days with bicycle rides, walking with my husband, sitting outside, swimming in my pool and volunteering at a race. The day before Nolan’s Angelversary I paid a visit to the dunes.

All this time outside made me think… September is a beautiful month. The sky is a crisp blue, many days are sunny and warm, and nights are a little cool where you welcome a bonfire. You feel the anticipation of the changing of season.

So how in this great time of the year could Nolan feel so bad that he ended his life? He was starting again in college with close friends by his side. He was so good the months prior. What happened?

I will never know.

Reasons for suicide are complex. Suicide is scary and confusing. And for us that are left with the why- it is really hard.

But remember? Even with it so hard….

Great expectations

Tomorrow my second son Sam turns 21.

The month of May has a lot of good history for me: my wedding anniversary, Mother’s day, Sam’s birthday.

But at the end of the month I have Nolan’s birthday – and it is hard.

I never got to celebrate Nolan’s birthday beyond age 19.

**Last birthday celebrated with both Nolan and Sam, 2016.**

I am proud of Sam. He does not share much with me, however I am his complaint department when he wants me to be.

I rarely get to see the happy times for him. I hope there are a good number he has with his friends.

Sam deserves to be happy.

He can’t brag about his great grades in college, or how he is in love with his girlfriend.

He can’t boast about his career and show off his possessions that he earned making top dollar in a promising career.

You see Sam has none of that.

Sam finished high school with honors but barely had a high school graduation – it was 2020. The COVID pandemic just started.
No senior prom.

He tried to do college during COVID restrictions and came back defeated.

All that on top of the most traumatic event of his life.

He had his only sibling die by suicide when he was just 14.

He just started high school 3 weeks before Nolan left us.

In Sam’s eyes – Nolan left for college and never came back.