Great expectations

Tomorrow my second son Sam turns 21.

The month of May has a lot of good history for me: my wedding anniversary, Mother’s day, Sam’s birthday.

But at the end of the month I have Nolan’s birthday – and it is hard.

I never got to celebrate Nolan’s birthday beyond age 19.

I am proud of Sam. He does not share much with me, however I am his complaint department when he wants me to be.

I rarely get to see the happy times for him. I hope there are a good number he has with his friends.

Sam deserves to be happy.

He can’t brag about his great grades in college, or how he is in love with his girlfriend.

He can’t boast about his career and show off his possessions that he earned making top dollar in a promising career.

You see Sam has none of that.

Sam finished high school with honors but barely had a high school graduation – it was 2020. The COVID pandemic just started.
No senior prom.

He tried to do college during COVID restrictions and came back defeated.

All that on top of the most traumatic event of his life.

He had his only sibling die by suicide when he was just 14.

He just started high school 3 weeks before Nolan left us.

In Sam’s eyes – Nolan left for college and never came back.

Sam is a survivor. Yes – I am very proud of him.

He keeps going on. I patiently wait for him to figure out what he wants to do in life.

A parent has great expectations for their children.

I had dreams for both Nolan and Sam.

Nolan took all the dreams I had for him away.

Sam certainly is not following the path I though he would take.

But he is still here.

And I will celebrate this tomorrow with him.

My only expectation is that he knows how much I and his father love him.