He should be here

There are a lot of hard things I think about in my grief mind.

I miss Nolan every day.  His absence may not be on my mind all day, but the minute I wake up I remember he is gone.

The hardest, most heartbreaking time is when he is missing from an occasion he should be at. Like his birthday, and most holidays.

Christmas.

15621857_10211596505173777_116159596924724817_n               That is the hardest one for me.

I don’t know if that holiday is going to get any easier.

When your kids are young you look forward to milestones you imagine and anticipate in their future.

In a way I am glad I rarely dreamed of Nolan’s future – like his college graduation, his first job out of school, or my attending his wedding. Those where such unknowns.

Forever I am stuck in the world where he went off to college.

He should be heading off to another year back at school.

bison

But he never came back the first time.

I don’t know how I will be when his friends graduate – or his cousins marry or have kids. I will celebrate them of course – and I know I will mourn my empty space that Nolan left me.

19895090_10213673038525813_7747587405016315830_n.jpg

I miss him so much.

 

2 thoughts on “He should be here

  1. I get stuck a little in the world of Danny getting through College, it was where his last days here on earth were spent😍 This Blog post is so on point . ((Hugs))

    Like

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