The accident

It was a good weather day, a typical mid-September one. Warm and humid.

We did not plan all the activities of the first anniversary, just Scott and I together in the afternoon. It was his request. Just be together. To honor the second anniversary just the two of us.

In the morning I did PT and my foot doctor cleared me to start a slow return to running. GREAT!!! I planned for us to do lunch a short ride away in Miller. We took  our motorcycles with the route avoiding the highway.  We saw a bad accident on the way. I remember seeing the two cars and their damage. Riding is not anxiety provoking, but that accident made me more attentive.

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It really just took a second.

A fast stop of the car ahead of us. I did not expect it to happen. Sometimes you can see an accident about to happen and think “oh boy, I can’t stop this.. help!” No – for me I was just braking like I have hundreds of times before, but this time my body ended up on the pavement.

“What the???” My left arm was twisted and burned in pain and I feared Scott was going to run over me. Oh – and my leg… I had to twist it below the knee back into place. Or did I do that?

I was in shock for hours after. I have never had a car or motorcycle accident before where I was injured. My left knee had a torn ACL and torn meniscus. Lovely road rash on my arm.

But what I really hurt was my spirit. That night I could not sleep.

Why did I have the accident? Why oh why that day? I wanted to think about Nolan and remember good things about him. Not be broken in body and spirit.

I cried for around four days. I was physically hurt and unable to walk without someone watching me on crutches. I cried from my misery but also in grief and for what I saw as my lack of control and failure. 

Like I could control what happened, right? I could not control what Nolan thought or did two years prior. I could not turn back time and not go out to lunch or take the bikes.

I had to tell my partners I was out for the next six weeks or more from work.  I felt like I let them down. I let my patients down.

Since successful surgery this past week I have come accustomed to being at home and not focusing on what I am missing. I have spent a lot of  time with Scott. He sure can make me laugh and it is good that it doesn’t hurt my chest when I do like the first week. Once again my family, friends and colleagues are helping me through a rough patch of life.

Lisa HD 005I know I could have been hurt much worse. I wear a helmet 100% of the time. I did not hit the car ahead of me- again – all in an instant. I don’t think Nolan was watching over me. If he was I think he was just an observer. Not that the accident was meant to happen.  I don’t know about that. I DO know people were available to help me in perfect timing. That I believe was directed from above.

They say doctors are not good patients but I will argue we are excellent when we have a  goal. My goal is to follow my directions, work hard with my physical therapy, and go back to work as soon as I am safely able to.

Will I ever run again?  Will I ever ride again?

I will take it one step at a time.

I will focus on walking first.

 

9 thoughts on “The accident

  1. Lisa, you are human like all of us. Sh__ happens. We just pick ourselves up and brush ourselves off and move on. I still am in awe of your courage under tough circumstances. Praying for your quick recovery.

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  2. Lisa, I am the Plessinger boys Gramma. Grandma GG as I am referred to. I have been following your Journey regarding your son Nolan and the rest of your family. My heart just aches for all of you. My daughter walked at the cemetery last weekend, and due to issues with my legs and back I’m unable to walk far, otherwise I would have been there with everyone else! Unless suicide happens in your family to someone real close to you know one can’t imagine what the family goes through. I think about you often, and because you still are 2 of my grandsons doctor it hurts me deeply. Some people say it gets easier as time goes on and that makes me “Mad as hell” How do they know. It might, but one thing is for sure~~Nolan will always be in your hearts🙏🏻🙏🏻🦋🦋😢

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  3. I had no idea this happened. I had some of the same feelings and our accident in January. The thoughts of why me? Why us? The part that got me most was that Danielle and Zandar were not even supposed to be with me. The what if’s ran wild in head for days maybe weeks. Thankfully through venting and support from friends and family I was able to overcome them in ” Time.” What I can say is that time is more than a couple numbers on a clock. It is a measurement of how long it takes ones mind, body and soul to heal from the trials we are put through in our lifetime. Days weeks months years. The amount of ” Time” is takes is dependent on a person’s strength and will. You are a very strong woman and you will overcome these obstacles with ” Time”.

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