Since it is a hard month for me and I need to keep my head above my deep waves of grief – I want to think about my happy memories of Nolan.
Right before he went off to Valpo for college – Nolan got a tattoo.
He could have picked anything.
He got one of a lotus flower.
Doesn’t it look like the symbol of his video game he loved to play?
But he told his friends and me that he picked it more for the lotus shape.
A lotus flower symbolizes spiritual enlightenment and rebirth.
Nolan told Lily – one of his close friends – his lotus tattoo meant inner peace. Something he was searching for and one of the important things to have in life.
He loved that tattoo. He wore sleeveless shirts to show it off. It made him feel good.
A few months ago Nolan’s very good friend Tino texted me a photo of his new tattoo.
As we near the two year mark of Nolan leaving us I hope his friends remember the good times they had with him.
My heart gets stuck on missing him. On wishing he were here.
He does not want me to be sad. He has told me. Even in the afterlife he does not want to see his mom cry.
I try to focus on the good memories. The times we laughed.
He had the best laugh.
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The Grieving Doctor Mom 