To start my blog I want to share the poem I wrote the night before Nolan’s first Angelversary. Nolan took his life 9/19/2016. He is forever 19 years old. Since then I have awoken every morning to remember he is gone.
I live my life now with the heavy coat of grief.
I continue my life as mother to my remaining son, wife, sister, pediatrician and friend to many.
Thank you for joining me as I continue serving God in my practice of medicine and still see the sunrise as a reminder that I have HOPE.
The promise of a new life
Has the mother hold her newborn and smile
Dreams of the child’s future
Whispered in the baby’s ear
Childhood goes fleeting fast
The chaos of joy and learning and growth
We mothers plan and plan for the future
When the present is to be enjoyed
As your child tells you “I love you “
For before you know it he is grown
Out of your view yet still on your mind
Oh how you wish he would listen and understand your
Advice and experience
And you wish he would understand HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HIM
A love where you would give your last breath if it were to help him
Children grow and become young adults
Independent minds with souls taking flight
But life can bring pain and sometimes it is too much
Despite help it is just too much and
The love is shadowed by the pain
And the child makes the pain end…..
A spirit come back to HOME.
Where I will be someday
Someday I will join my child
But until then I will let go
And LIVE – because that is what a mother does.
—– Lisa Gold
The Grieving Doctor Mom 