Is it five years?

I remember my first 365 days without my son Nolan.

I counted by day of the week, then by month, then each holiday without him. It was all very new and different.

Now years later my memories are less crisp and ripe with detail. I have to think hard to remember some things. When did I see him last before he took his life? Was it six days before? or longer?

What was the last thing he text to me? I remember the message but what were the exact words?

I can look back and search for the answer if I want.

I guess it is my mind saying the specific details don’t matter. It is love, the soft caring memories and emotions I carry when I think of him.

Five years later I don’t miss him any less. My love for him is not diminished. I miss him every day,

I wake up and he is in my thoughts. I talk to him in my head. I know he is with me and sees I sometimes struggle with grief. His spirit sees I am still living and serving my purpose.

You were here for a moment but left a lifetime of love